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Doctor Who the legal rep

May 27, 2007
OK – I admit it. The title of this post is a blatant attempt to increase the likelihood of a hit from a search engine, but I think it is justified.

The next paragraph will also contain a couple of references that will generate a few links from Google.

For the benefit of those of you out there who read this blog who may at some point in the future find themselves in police custody. Can I point out to you that no police force in this country has possession of a Tardis type police box? Nor when you go into custody will it resemble the transporter room from the Starship Enterprise.

The reason I tell you this is to allow you to avoid the embarrassing situation of you going into the custody area and demanding to see a solicitor NOW! I’ve lost count of the number of times some stroppy prisoner rushes up to the desk and insists that they want their brief there immediately. I think they watch too much Eastenders or something.

Unfortunately, we still have to phone the solicitor and they still have to travel by normal land based transport to get to the police station. That’s if they even bother to come to you because you may have already annoyed them by demanding that they bring you a packet of fags. (Though there won’t be much point doing that soon – come July 1st 2007, no-one will be allowed to smoke in police stations. Blame the Labour government!)

Those of you from the legal profession who pass by here may have seen a way round some of the Carter recommendations. I understand that you won’t get paid for your travelling time soon, so perhaps some form of teleportation device or time machine may mitigate some of your losses? It could turn out to be a lucrative little sideline for any Time Lord with a law degree.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. custard skipper permalink
    June 6, 2007 21:52

    whenever some little toad makes this comment when presented I use one of two answers, 1/ Click fingers several times and then say sorry, the magic has run out, cannot produce one here and now. 2/ (When on short fuse!) ‘Do I look like Marvo the frigging magician? You will get a brief when we have called and if and when they get here’.

  2. The Thin Blue Line permalink
    June 7, 2007 22:37

    I love it when some snotty nosed little sod demands a phone call! I know my rights! I’m allowed a phone call!
    Nope, that’s in America. Over here you ask nicely and then, if you’re lucky, you might get a phone call. Otherwise I’ll be making it for you.

  3. Stan Still permalink
    June 8, 2007 12:59


    Sorry to have to correct you in public, but Section 5 of Code of Practice C says

    5.6 The detainee shall be given writing materials, on request, and allowed to telephone one person for a reasonable time.

    This is in addition to the intimation call, but like that call, it can be withheld.

    Also bear in mind that detained people who start shouting and demanding their rights are usually a) drunk, b) drugged up or c) likely to become violent. Therefore, the right can be withheld until those conditions don’t exist.

  4. Anonymous permalink
    June 29, 2007 01:09

    I regret to say that Wetherby nick does actually have a nice lovingly restored and shiny police box by the front entrance.

    Sadly some little scrote knocked the lamp off the top, so it doesn’t do it’s Time’n’space things any more…

  5. Quetelet permalink
    October 31, 2007 22:16

    I see you filth are ignoring the fact that a prisoner can expect to be treated with dignity and respect! No wonder you’re destested!!

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