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Public transport health warning

January 30, 2006

I use public transport on a regular basis. The main reason is because it is free. If I am travelling to or from work and I am prepared to deal with any issues that arise during my journey, I can use my warrant card as a travel pass on buses, trains and trams. Most of the time, this little benefit is very welcome, because I have to make regular trips into the Big City.

I like driving, but I hate parking. I especially hate having to pay for parking. I understand why parking restrictions have to be in place and I have no sympathy for anyone who parks on yellow lines. Bill Sticker has my full support. What I dislike are the multi-storey car parks, especially those run by a very large Car Park company that operate on a National basis! The reason for my loathing of these places is the fact that you don’t find out how much they are going to charge you for the privilege of leaving your car in their concrete towers until you are already in there. By the time you realise it will cost you a day’s pay to park there for a half a day, it is too late and the barrier has dropped behind you.

Anyway, back to the plot. The health warning. Should people with colds be allowed to travel on public transport? I have to sit on buses, trains and trams and listen to people sucking up snot, blowing their nose, sneezing, coughing and spluttering all over the place. I must have some natural resistance, as I haven’t had a day off sick in years. In fact, I’ve worked out that during my service, if I was the average officer, I should have had something like 120 days sick leave. This means I am owed over 100 days off – I think I’ll have them in the summer and go abroad for three months. My advice to anyone wishing to travel by bus in the next couple of months – get a mask and a large bottle of Domestos, just in case.

My force has a “Safer Travel” team, who spend a lot of their duty time on public transport. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them haven’t had time off with croup, tuberculosis, whooping cough or even bird flu. It might be worth someone from Porton Down taking a few swabs to see if they can pick up some tips for combatting germ warfare.

Talking of government, what are the chances of Labour proposing a bill banning anyone with runny nose from leaving their home? It would be a defence to be in possession of a clean hanky or packet of paper tissues, but anyone caught without means to wipe or blow (sleeves don’t count) will be quarantined immediately. It would be a natural extension of the other nannying legislation that has been passed and would be warmly welcomed by the office staff who fancied a lie-in on Monday morning.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Lennie Briscoe permalink
    February 9, 2006 23:42

    I know exactly what your talking about. I find the bus much worse then the train for some reason. Have you also noticed that the air on the bus in the morning is more stale and smelly then in the evening?…must be all those Halitosis sufferers incubating over night…

  2. Stan Still permalink
    February 9, 2006 23:50

    Our local tram service has recently introduced air fresheners on their vehicles, so now we get the smell of rose scented farts during the journey.

  3. kim permalink
    May 25, 2008 15:12

    Would that work in a nursery school I wonder

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