Where am I?

I know, but I’m not about to tell you.

I work in an area with a population of around 140000 people, most of whom keep themselves to themselves, lock their doors at night, don’t leave their Sat-Nav on the dashboard when they park in town and can have a quiet drink without wanting to fight the world.

There are however, a significant number of people for whom life wouldn’t be the same without the constant support of their local police. They need us to tell their new boyfriend’s ex girlfriend to stop sending abusive text messages – why they gave this person their mobile number in the first place is a question that never gets answered. They need us to sort out years and years of domestic abuse with a ten minute visit at 4 in the morning, but they don’t want him arrested “cos I luv ‘im”.

I won’t be telling you about the details of these people, because it would spoil the surprise when they get on the Jeremy Kyle show and it might identify me.